Deep within me today

Here I lay, in the contour of darkness. Since you've left, I fear my future; I dread my past; I pity my present. I revisit those interesting places, where we used to have trysts. Now they are like empty spaces, like dark corners which haunts me in my nightmares. You used to come in my dreams, now you are my nightmares. You don't let me sleep, you drag me to awareness every now and then. This has been happening for several weeks now may be months. I've lost my faith. I don't believe in god, I don't trust people I don't even trust myself.
It seems like whole world is conspiring against me. I can't be happy whatever I do. I've started dwelling on this darkness. Its enveloping me, overwhelmingly discouraging me. I am sinking in this darkness I am... bathing in this darkness. I don't find fun in playing with a child, in a teenager's smile. I don't appreciate a beautiful morning, I am unable to adore an innocent pup. I find it hard to smile, it feels like I am not supposed to.

My vision is fading. Each day looks like another battle. I find compliments fake, adoration dishonest. I listen to people who claim they are happy and they seem to me as hypocrites. They are concocters who can't accept the darkness in their lives and brag about how happy they are. In reality, deep inside their hearts, they must be feeling the emptiness as I do. They guard their insecurities and fears by indulging in obsolete obsessions. Some flaunt wealth, some flaunt flesh, some display simulated altruism(the practice of unselfish concern for or devotion to the welfare of others). As for me, I burn myself.My identity my aura has been dissolved in this dark soot. I am no more the woman I used to be or wanted to be.

My dreams my desires are all an obsolete myth now. They've all faded in the dark mist of melancholy. But I don"t lay in the dark silhouette anymore. I've raised myself up. I've begun a new journey, a pursuit of darkness.