Generally when we talk about Respect then
we get reminded about our expectation of getting Respect from others.
We start thinking about our current state of Respect,
who all Respect us, who do not, who is more Respected,
who is less, what are the different criterias for ensuring more and more Respect and many such things.
Generally we feel Respected when more and more people know us and more and more people feel and think good
about us. When it happens then we feel happy and we feel that we have lot of Respect.
When somebody appreciates us we feel good/respected, when somebody scolds us we feel bad/disrespected.
When we are in front of a person who is “less” in any way than us then we feel good or respected or superior,
when we are in front of a person who is “more” in any way than us then we feel bad or disrespect or inferior.
The thing which comes here in notice is, generally our criterias and notions of Respect is relative.
We feel more or less Respected relative to others. We see ourselves through the eyes of others.
When we see ourselves through our neighbor’s or our friend’s eyes and we find ourselves good then we feel good or
respected otherwise we feel bad or disrespected.
When we feel that people around us think and feel good about us then we feel Respected.
When we see that people around us do not feel or think good about us then we feel disrespected.
Now here the rat-race starts. To feel good about myself or to ensure more and more
Respect I keep trying several methods. Since according to my understanding of Respect when other person
feels of thinks good about me I feel Respected so, his notions of feeling good or thinking good about someone become my notions of ensuring Respect. I try to do all possible things to rise myself in the eyes of other person so that I can feel Respected. This way we all become drivers of each others lives!
Generally in society 5 things are considered as the criterias for ensuring more and more Respect.
They are, Beauty (Roop), Position (Pad), Power (Bal), Money (Dhan) and Intellect (Buddhi).
We see in the society that people appreciate or Respect others on the basis of these criterias.
A person who has more of it is Respected more and a person who has relatively less is Respected less.
With such kind of notions floating in society we try to be “more” in any or more of above criterias to ensure more
Respect. This effort to accumulate or ensure more and more of any or above to get respect from others is one of the
major root causes of problems which we see in society and unfortunately we all are indulged into it. The sad thing is in spite of ensuring Respect this way by accumulating/ensuring more with us, we still feel insecure about our Respect. As soon as somebody else in our surrounding becomes “more” than us we start feeling “less”.
It is the Relative Evaluation which is the root cause of our insecurities, fears, pressures and unhappiness.
Such kind of insecurities give rise to Inferiority, jealousy and other such things which spoil the relationships.
Whenever we try to ensure Respect from an object which can be separated from us or which has the factor of
relativity or “more” or “less” then we feel insecure about our Respect. Till the time we make such an object as basis of our ensuring Respect, relative evaluation is bound to happen. With relative evaluation we are bound to feel insecure.
Now the next question comes, why do we see ourselves though the eyes of others?
Why is it that I feel Respected when others think or feel good about me and disrespected when
others feel or think bad about me? How come other is driving my life?
We all want Respect. Respect is such a need which is there within us continuously. Continuously in the sense there is never a time when I desire for disrespect or there is never a time when I feel that it has been a long time since I have been getting respect so lets leave it for some time.
We want Certainty, Consistency and Continuity of feeling of Respect within us.
This desire for Respect is there within us continuously which we can see now.
Now lets try to understand what is Respect.
We all evaluate ourselves. We feel that we are “this much”.
When other person sees us or evaluates us the way we consider ourselves or have evaluated ourselves then we
feel Respected. When other person sees us less than what we have evaluated ourselves then we feel disrespected.
When other person sees us more than what we have evaluated ourselves then also we feel disrespected since we
have fear or insecurity or uncertainty of retaining that evaluation in other person’s mind since we know that we are not
that much what other person has evaluated us.
Here one thing we can notice is, we feel Respected when we are “Rightly” Evaluated. Here “Right” evaluation according to us is what we have evaluated ourselves.
We feel Respected when we are Rightly Evaluated by other person.
Here also the thing to notice is, the factor of relativity still persists.
Our feeling of Respect is being dependent on other person. His right evaluation of me makes me feel Respected.
So question which comes is, how is it happening and how can I get rid of this dependency?
The “Right” which we feel is “Right”, is generally not “Absolutely Right”, it is “Relatively Right”.
We evaluate ourselves and we do not have self-assurance that this is “Right Evaluation”.
In lack of such kind of self-assurance when other person evaluates me less than what I feel I am then I doubt myself
and that self-doubt takes me to under-evaluate or over-evaluate or otherwise-evaluate myself and I feel disrespected.
I can have such self-assurance towards my evaluation only when my evaluation is “Absolutely Right” and NOT
“Relatively Right”. With such kind of self-assurance towards my evaluation I will Have
Respect rather than to Expect it.
It is not about Getting Respect from others it is about Having Respect within ourselves for others.
When I am able to evaluate myself right then I am able to evaluate others also rightly.
When I have my absolute right evaluation with me then I have respect, then I do not expect respect from others.
To understand Right Evaluation, Respect, Trust, Relationships and Happiness we need knowledge.
Knowledge includes,
Knowledge of the Self.
Knowledge of Entire Existence.
and Knowledge of Natural Human Conduct.
